The Self Critical "ME"

Have you ever thought about what types of people are around you?

I have set my observation and found some people are boasting, some mediocre don’t care attitude, some are always scared of everything.  And some are so timid and sensitive that they get affected by anyone saying anything to anybody, whether or not they are even remotely connected to them.

Well is that all are the types of people in this world? Not really.

There must be a zillion types and I really don’t feel the urge to investigate into them, but yes I would for sure mention them broadly.

There were days when I use to think there exists only two kinds of people, one who exploit and the other who gets exploited. But call it my wisdom or time, I have learned that world is not only made of these two broad categories, but there are many more. However more often than not, you could hear people sulking, complaining and  crying those people for sure belong to the later of these categories (obviously this depends on the story they have narrated to you, as in the side the narrator wants to present)

Ah so here we come to the type of people who exists broadly.

To start with will be the ones who know it all category and they actually have read nothing, know nothing (seriously have no knowledge).

Ones, who actually belong to jack of all trades, as they have read it, learned it and keep learning more.

Ones who are dumb. And as they are dumb and know nothing, they would never accept that they are dumb.

Ones who are dumb but rather finds it easy to find mistakes in others.  These people are under an assumption that they can find mistake in anybody because they can.

Ones who know very little and find it easier to find mistakes in others…. And so on and so forth.

However this isn't about those people. This is about me, probably one person who needs no critic. It is by far the easiest thing  for me to get into a self critical mode and so often. Not only it is self critical, it is a unique mode where I find it so easy to relate to any dumb old movie showing three self’s (black, white and thyself).

In my case there are three self’s, one is a critic Advocate, other Defendant and a Judge.

Advocate: Why don’t you write prose?

Defender: Why should I?  I write poems.

Adv: Ha... That’s because it’s easier to write poems than prose.

Def : Well not really, it isn't so easy to write poems…. (With doubt)

Adv: That’s why you write so many of them, and which is understood by  no one ,but you.

Judge (Thinking):  Is it so… is this is why I write poems? And does no one understand them?

Adv: You don’t have any topic to write.

Def: What rubbish, I have so many topics written down in my idea notepad.

Adv: Than why haven’t you written any? May be you are afraid of making mistakes?

Def: What mistakes?

Adv: Spelling mistakes, grammar error, writing something no one understands.

Def: I can check spelling on spell check, grammar is not that of a rocket science and who said no one will understand what I write. May they do understand it, how do you know they don’t?  

Adv: Than why haven’t you written anything?

Def: Ahh.. Ahhh … I am in a process of writing, I have written two different things but I am not happy with them. I am yet to finish them.

Adv: Why haven’t you finished them?

Def: I am writing, I write… I mean I did see through them some days back. I will complete them soon.

Adv: “My lord” it is evident that the defender cannot write a prose, I rest my case.

Def: No “MY Lord”, please give me a chance, I will write something, something. …..Which people will understand?

Judge:  I give you 2 weeks to write and prove that you can. And in case you are unable to provide the court with ample evidence supporting it, it will become evident that you cannot write prose.

I don’t know what one has made out of my melodramatic narrative of me, me and me. It is very self centric, but what on this earth is not?

The only reason I wrote this is, I could defend myself again. I believe many of us get in this self critical mode.

But what is important is to also have someone defend our stand and justify why we did, what and when. It is important that we are able to answer our conscience, before we answer anyone else or even before anyone asks us a question. 

No mater whatever types we belong and are, I think it is important to be able to answer to self before anybody else. 

"Stranger" At The Bus Stop

Oh dear, Oh my dear.

With splendid scene of love,

and the passion in smear,

I am watching you from here.

Every step you take,

every time you move,

every word you say and

every time you say.

I said I am watching.

Those slow twists and turns.

That grey cheque shirt.

The half rolled sleeves and

the semi ironed knotted tie.

That brown bag of yours.

And that black umbrella in the drizzle,

ah it hides the mysterious face,

I would love to describe.

I am waiting by the balcony,

and it seems like a Saturday.

I miss you "stranger" at the bus stop.

For I wish we talk, some evening.

Light of hope

In the middle of the night,

in the sight of light,

farther from dark,

beside the only hope.

I sit in dilemma and in disguise,

between two sides of the world,

one which is dark and seems the end,

and the other in the light of hope.

Is there any truth or everything is a lie,

Is yet to be determined and yet to be found.

But it is the light that I face now,

till I get to other side, it is difficult to say .

For those with hope, there is a light

It shall cure, till it glows.

For the rest, there are all the nights

which are meant to sleep and keep closed eyes.

Be There

Hold me my dear in dark and in blues,

in shadows and in light.

Hold me my dear in highs and in lows,

in mellows learned from blows.

catch me when I fall, upright.

Stand by my side.

Till I have mass and until life dies

Be there till I get it aright.

Be there when I lose,

more than that, lose it all.

When I am miserable and impatient,

Seem like a pain and in vain.

Be there when none thinks I am worth it,

please be complaisant and wise.

Be there like the pillar of hope,

with virtue and prudence of soul.

Misery of being idle and being engaged

I lay lazed and shrunk,

from dawn to dusk.

With idle mind and body,

they say you shall lose it all.

Doing nothing! Nothing at all?

But this is my seldom experience

to gather the wisdom,

from the sun and the wind.

There have been no past events,

nor there happens to be a chance.

Where I was in comfort,

without any stance.

Then I pondered, told my self.

Let’s enjoy the misery,

misery of being idle

and being engaged.

Someday I was here.

The reminiscent of these pathways will remain deep.

The hidden gateways, the known sidewalks

The dosa and the coffee will be missed

These one-ways, these dead ends

The narrow roads with large big pit falls

The summer rain and the pleasant winters

It will always remain ingrained.

This city would know me and I would know her forever

Some day if I am back

This land would know I was here

and was the most passionate lover

There would be many

who will be her guests,

But there would be very few like me,

Who would learn her so well.

From language to streets.

From directions to treats.

All would know and agree,

Someday I was here.

Story of the broken heart

Watery eyes with emotions pouring down.

The skin getting rougher from all the sides.

Beauty was losing its age slowly,

love had gone but the life yet to end.

The songs played had no melody,

sarcasm was in all the questioning eyes.

This was not the only misery,

the cast of past shadow where still not slimming away.

The song of the unknown routes of life,

the silky sloughed emotions

and the sulky heart was still pouring,

down all the way till feet.

The story of broken heart,

Is long to be heard.

It’s the soul which matters,

and yet body made to suffer.

someday It would be us forever.

Some day  life will be larger than it appears.

Some day there will be colors, more than grey and white

Some day there will be a rainbow and not the thunders scaring me away

Some day you will be holding me while we look at the sky.

Some day I will not be kept waiting.

Some day the shadows of dark won’t hunt me any longer.

Some day the sun would come to my balcony,

Smiling with glory and filling my life with light.

Some day there will be a new dawn.

Some day it will be more than disappointment.

Some day it will be more than coffee,

and  will be served with  love and care.

Some day my dear,someday you would learn

that its not about only you.

Someday it will be more than that little pride.

someday It would be us  forever.

For all the loving souls

Revisiting the old lessons of wisdom,

On a new page of life.

Meeting the unknown name,

Stepping out from the known.

I am back again,

Again on crossroads.

Having Known them well before

I still came so far

Anguished and uncertain,

Despite knowing there is only one home.

Having known the truth,

Still flew in false hope.

Here I come back,

To learn the hard way.

But as always ready to learn,

Despite whatever they say.

Here I am with no hard feelings,

With a warm heart and wide open arms.

This time for a new tomorrow,

For all the loving souls.