My sleep broke sometime in the morning and I tried closing my eyes to get back to
sleep. After a while of trying I wasn’t still able to sleep. So I stretched out
and grabbed my mobile, and without looking at the time started playing candy
crush thinking it will put me to sleep. I was wishing if I had few more lives
or crossed a level, as then I could have played until I fell asleep but no
luck.
When I finally noticed, it was 4.40 AM and despite trying for another 20
minutes I wasn’t able to go back to sleep. I got up and went out to the
adjoining room to realise that it was dawn already, pristine sun rays bringing
life to everything they touched.
As I looked out at the avenue, from my window I decided to go for a run.
“Yes A Run”.
I wouldn’t call myself a lazy person, because I am not one. However
would have to admit that when it comes to any physical workout I have never
been the most enthusiastic person around. For the past few days I have been
trying running, and every time I did reasonably for a small distance
before giving up.
Today I wanted to make sure that I stick to a discipline and not do
things on and off as I had been doing so far.
I have been physically active but it does puts me to a little shame that I am
the odd one out at my home. My father even in his late forties used to play
football with boys half his age. My sister has been a gymnast in forming and
while she would easily spin on tree branches, I could hardly hang in for a
couple of minutes. My brother is a fitness freak and can’t live without a gym
to work out even during his vacation
But it is not the case that I have never done anything at all. As a kid
I practiced yoga, karate and have been doing gym and yoga in the past. But what
I perhaps always lacked was discipline and consistency.
Once in school when my team was lagging at third position and I was the
last person in the relay team of four, I ran so fast that we got gold!!
Another time during college, I happened to reach Delhi train station
just 2-3 minutes before departure. To add to my misery my train was on
platform number 13 which was farthest from where I was standing. I had a big
bag and a back pack with laptop; I grabbed both and ran like I had not run in
years. I climbed the stairs, got down and started running towards my
compartment, while the train had already started slowly. I am thankful to those
passengers who held my big bag through the door closest to me as without their
help I wouldn’t have got in. It took me five minutes to catch my breath at the
end of that mad run with 20kg luggage.
This episode made me believe that may be when it would matter I will
give my best and do the undoable.
However today I wanted to do something I have been planning for so
long. I quietly pulled my track suit from cupboard, wore my shoes, as it
was cold outside I wanted a jacket but didn’t want to risk waking up my husband
with screeching noise of drawers or make any possible noise to wake him up (to
wake someone from sleep is like crime). I saw his Liverpool jacket lying handy
so I grabbed it and wore it half heartedly, sipped some water and left home
quietly with my set of keys.
Unlike in the evening I saw no one running outside. It was around 5.30
in the morning, as I stretched and started running. Having escaped the inertia,
I felt a sense of accomplishment. As I reached closer to the distance I had run
in the past, I again felt tired and slowed down. But unlike before, I picked up
my spirits to stretch another 100 meters. Despite moving above my previous
distance I am still ashamed to hardly to make it a mile.
Walking back towards home, I gathered all my energy and sprinted for 100
meters. When I stopped I could see my home across the boundary and wished I
could jump across and did not have to walk around to reach there.
As I entered, I wondered if my husband would be awake. In that
case by now he would have already realized that I have been missing and I would
surprise him. But I opened the door only to find him still deep
asleep.
As I changed I hoped he would somehow find out about my great deed and
applaud me. So for him to find out, I left some hints like leaving his
Liverpool jacket in the drawing room and keeping my shoes in the top most
rack (which I normally insist to be kept vacant).
When my husband woke up, he was already in a hurry to get ready for his
office. I hoped he would notice the puzzle I had created for him to solve. But
I was not amazed that he did not. Because perhaps it is only me, who has this
super observation to interpret from the position of his shoes, socks or clothes
had he done something similar.
I was happy, but wanted someone to appreciate my efforts. So I
ended up in writing this note just to tell my husband, how I went up against all odds
and took a big leap today.
But then I realized that when I managed to catch the train, won the
relay race, left my job to get an MBA, it was not for somebody to appreciate
me, or even take a note of what I did.
Because may be some times what matters is what you do for yourself and
not to showcase to anyone or prove any point. And this was one amongst them
where I came over my apprehension and self imposed constraints.
I very strongly believe that once you take a big leap towards something
for yourself you would always land doing way better than you would have
expected.
